..............that mindless addictive monologue tried its best to derail me last night. Another welcome reminder that I really am in a fight for my life with this progressive disease of addiction.
It was time for another supermarket visit to buy cleaning products, doggy food, drinks, milk and fruit. I did the right thing. I wrote my list before I went.
Then I did what turned out to be a slightly 'dangerous' thing.
I walked past the new deli section where you can buy all the lovely cold cuts of meat, home made salad type things, cheeses and olives and there in the corner - all bright, shiny and beautifully presented - is the new homemade DESSERT, SLICE and CAKE section.
Well, let me tell you I scanned those goodies in two seconds flat with my eyes landing on these massive brownies with huge chocolate chips, nuts and wait for it.. salty caramel sauce all over them. Now that's just not playing FAIR!!!!
The desire in me to buy one of those and taste it was rising by the second, even though I knew that I could no more buy something like that and just have a wee taste than fly in the air. I realised that even looking at that food was like dangling a bottle of vodka in front of a newly sober alcoholic, so I immediately removed myself from temptations view.
I then contacted a friend that understands exactly what I had just experienced and we laughed about how easy it is to be derailed by even a simple visit to the supermarket. That connection is vital to my abstinence.
I said it before and I'll say it again. The mental obsession only lies dormant, it never goes away. I get a daily reprieve from that if I am mindful, present and connected to my higher self/higher power/ love/God/whatever you want to call it.
Got through that little hiccup with insight and inspiration to continue one moment at a time on my road to recovery.
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