Here's the deal

Here's the deal.  For me to experience recovery from compulsive overeating/food addiction there are a few simple steps to take.  These steps in essence are simple but in practice take a lot of courage.

My introduction to the recovery process from this affliction started many years ago when someone I knew started going to Alcoholics Anonymous.  I wanted to find out what this AA thing was all about and so decided to read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as a matter of research.  While I was reading this book I had one of Oprah's 'Ah ha' moments.

Reading chapter one I related to the emotional state and mental obsession that Bill, the co-founder of AA experienced around alcohol - except I felt those feelings around food.  The next few chapters were all about the solution, more about the disease, about how the recovery from this disease works and how to practice that recovery on a daily basis.

After finishing reading the whole book in a matter of 2-3 days, I for the first time felt a lot of hope. I was SO excited about this solution because all I was thinking in my head was.. "wow this could work with my DIET."

However, back in the day there was - unbeknown to me - no group that dealt with food addiction in this manner.  So, me being the obsessed addict I was, decided to go along to the AA meetings and say I was an alcoholic!!!  When I look back at that time I see how desperate I was to recover from my own addiction, so much so I wished to be seen as a sober alcoholic in order to avail myself of all the wisdom and recovery knowledge that those wonderful people were practicing.  I even went so far as to get myself a sponsor and work through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The result?  The weight dropped off me without me even trying.  I was DELIGHTED!

My sponsor was a beautiful old Irish man called Jimmy who had many, many years of sobriety under his belt and who was an inspiration to me because of his honesty, his amazing recovery story and how much he was available to help others.  A few months after joining this group and working with Jimmy, I realised that I was actually being a bit of an impostor because I knew in the depths of my heart I was not an alcoholic.

One night at a meeting, I put my hand up to share my story.  My opening line was, "hi my name is Karen and I am not an alcoholic, but I am a food addict. "  From the back of the meeting hall there was a cheer and Jimmy was standing there with his hands in the air and a huge smile on his face.  He had known all along I was not an alcoholic, but as he told me afterwards.  "Nobody but you can say you are or are not an alcoholic and I am glad that you came to the truth yourself." Jimmy is no longer with us today, but I feel his spirit with me whenever I tell this story.

Not too long after that experience I found out that there is actually a 12 step group for people with food addiction/compulsive overeating and that I could go to meetings online, which I duly started attending and continued to experience physical recovery i.e. weight loss, as well as emotional and spiritual recovery.

Many years and many relapses later, I found myself at this point in my journey.  Fifty years old and still battling with relapses because of demons yet to be healed.  Talk about Yo Yo dieting.. this takes it to a whole other level!  It was the final straw for me.  I was sick of reading my old journals and seeing the same story different year!

I sat down and made the decision that no matter what it took I was going to get to the bottom of this because I wanted my middle years and beyond to be free of this soul sickness and emotional torture.  I wanted to be happy in my own skin, to love myself, to enjoy my life and to be free from fear.   I found a counsellor who has been phenomenal in guiding me back to my true self and helped me express myself authentically.  That journey started a year ago and today I am living my recovery.  I am free from worrying what others think,  I am happy in my own skin, loving myself back to health, enjoying my life and as free from fear as any other 'normal' human being is.

Today I don't go to any of the 12 step meetings but I do practice the 12 step type of recovery in my life. I am going to share with you the 12 steps of OA and in future posts will elaborate on what each one means to me and how I practice them in my life.

1. I admitted that I was powerless over food and that areas of my life had become completely unmanageable
2. I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity
3. I turned my life and my will over to the care of that power greater than myself

4. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself
5. I admitted to myself and shared with one other person the moral inventory and the exact nature of my own wrongdoing.
6. I was entirely ready to surrender any flaws in my character
7. I humbly asked in my meditation for the flaws to be removed
8. I made a list of anyone I had harmed and was willing to make amends to them all
9. I actually made amends to those I had harmed - except when to do so would injure them or others

10. I continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it
11. I practice meditation daily in order to improve my conscious contact with my higher self/power, asking for knowledge of what is right for me in my life.
12. I share my recovery path with others suffering from food addiction/compulsive overeating.

Now that might seem like a lot to do every day, but really once the first 9 are out the way the daily practice of steps 10, 11 and 12 are the mainstay of my recovery today. It's not hard to do these things when you are willing to go to any lengths to get better and to be free from the "physical allergy, mental obsession and spiritual malady."

One Day At A Time = Living in the Present Moment = Peace of Mind = Freedom = Recovery