Sadly many obese/overweight people are subject to this kind of ridicule and judgement whether silently or to their face, when really what is needed is acceptance and understanding.
*While I know there are many women and men in this world who claim to be happy in their big beautiful bodies and who state they could control how much food they consume if they wanted to. I personally believe that's another addictive lie.
I believe this because it is what I used to say to myself. I used to project the mindset of 'if you don't like what you see look the other way.' When my disease was fully active I would be in total denial that I was unhappy with the way I was. I would say I am big, yes, but I am beautiful, so get over it. I made a pretence of accepting myself as I am, yet if I had only listened more closely to my higher self and been brutally honest with myself, I would have heard the truth.
The truth inside; I was screaming with frustration at the endless futile attempts to lose weight by food plan/diet/exercise alone; The mental torture - I absolutely
hated that I could not seem to get this one thing right. What was wrong with me? I was self disciplined in so many areas of my life and in my conduct, but eating normally eluded me.
I would have periods of self control and then one day that discipline would just disappear for any number of reasons.
Can you imagine how soul destroying it is to have worked so hard, lost 25 kgs, exercised like a mad woman (so I could eat what I wanted!!) only to find myself slipping down the slippery slope of relapse again?
The self loathing and self criticism the addict voice spewed at me when I relapsed yet again often keeps a person in the disease, destroying their self esteem and any spark of hope for recovery. Believe me it's crushing.
The hope of recovery that has kept me trying for 30 plus
years are the times I have experienced clean/abstinent eating.
The times when I sought help from organisations such as OA - Overeaters Anonymous meetings online, or sought counselling to get to the root of my problem. The times when I have surrendered to my God and said 'I can't do this, but you can.' The times when I connect with other people like me who totally 'get' where I am coming from. I realise this disease is not who I am, it is something that happens to me. I learned not to be ashamed anymore. I learned that to get better I had to be 110 percent honest with myself. I learned that willpower is something I have in bucket loads - it just runs riot when my disease is active. I learned that to recover I need to connect with my higher self/power. Believe me the relief, peace, self acceptance and the control we food addicts so desperately seek all come when we surrender and accept that we have a problem.
What's so bad about having a problem? Every human being
has a problem of one sort or another to fix. Mine is just one
that requires a spiritual way of living (which is not a problem
for me because I love that part of my life experience) that requires me to be honest in all my affairs and asks me to surrender my obsessive controlling ways around food, one moment at a time.
I don't think about the bigger picture, I think about today. What have I done today that is good for me. What have I done today that will help my recovery. What have I done today to help someone like me? All that keeps me honest and abstinent.
Today I have written this blog which I believe is something that will help me, my recovery and reach out to help someone else who is seeking acceptance and understanding instead of judgement and being the object of scorn and ridicule.
Should anyone reading this want to contact me for more recovery information you are more than welcome to email me at karen.140@gmail.com
* please understand that what I write is only my opinion and I am not presuming that every overweight person is a food addict.
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