This Disease is a Thief

When I sit and think, without food fog,  of the many moments of my life that have been stolen from me or adversely affected due to compulsive overeating, it is frightening. 

I am not sitting dwelling on the misery of it all or playing myself the world's tiniest violin whilst feeling sorry for myself, but I am having a sobering moment of reality - this disease is a destroyer and a thief. 

I want to remember what  it was like to be in the fog of active disease; to never forget what was damaged and taken from me. A real reminder of how bad it was and how it will only get worse if I ever fall into relapse again. This way I will stay in recovery. 

Adversely Affected

Self Control

Self Esteem

Self Love

Self Confidence

Self Awareness

Self Care

Self Consideration

Self Belief

Self Acceptance 

Happiness

Stolen

Walking free of pain

Walking without losing breath

Healthy joints

Healthy heart

Feeling comfortable in clothes

Enjoying shopping for clothes

Enjoying Salsa Dancing

Gym

Getting into a swimming pool 

Kneeling down on the floor and getting up easily

Getting up out of a low, deep sofa easily

Bending over to tie shoes without difficulty

Turning over in bed without pain

Easily turning to view the rear car window while reversing

Doing housework without being overtired 

Going out socially

Spontaneity 

Joining in activities with others

Yoga

Joie de Vivre 

That's some list!!  

I am very happy to report that all the recovery work that I have done over the past year has seen a lot of those stolen items returned to me and the damaged areas repaired. 

It is possible to recover from this disease one moment, meal, day at a time.  It takes courage, brutal honesty and a whole lot of self love and acceptance to get there. It also takes extending your hand to help another who suffers/suffered like you.   

Email me at karen.140@gmail.com if you have any questions regarding food addiction and recovery.  I really do want to help.

Negative Nancy or Positive Patsy

As a recovering Compulsive Overeater, I need to be very careful about my thinking and self-talk. 

I have two alter egos that like to be involved in this area of my life -  Negative Nancy and Positive Patsy. 

Negative Nancy rears her grotty little head whenever things like a slip up in my food plan happens, or if I have not lost any weight, or - God Forbid - I gain any weight.  That little madam is just ready to shoot off her mouth in my brain, instilling panic, fear, self-loathing, crushing disappointment and all sorts of negotiating behaviours. 

"Karen if only you had not had that extra piece of fruit you probably would have lost weight this week." 

"You will never do this, you are in your middle years, your metabolism is messed up"

"You have SUCH a long way to go, how on earth are you going to do this and sustain it" 

"Oh no I don't want to die from the consequences of being overweight"

"If you exercise more that extra piece of toast you can have.  It is okay to 'cheat' now and again" 

"Imagine if I gain it all back - I won't be able to live with myself, and my body will just pack in" 

This diatribe of negativity is endless and is the one SURE fire way of derailing me when I am in recovery.  You have to shut that little bit** up, not by stuffing her mouth full of chocolate, which is what she wants, but by bringing in the big guns - POSITIVE PATSY. 

This girl is your BEST friend, she has your back, she accepts you just as you are, she loves you and wants nothing but the best for you, so she gets busy IMMEDIATELY refuting everything poor wee Negative Nancy says the minute she says it:

"It is absolutely normal to not lose weight every single week. The body takes its own time to adjust and the more you fight with yourself, the more you keep yourself stuck in the mess. You are perfect in your imperfections"

"It is insane to think an extra apple would make you gain 

weight.  Food is not bad Karen, it is nutrition, be grateful for it not afraid of it."

"Of course it is possible to lose weight in your middle years. You have done it before and you can do it again.  In fact you ARE doing it girlfriend!"  

"Karen if you did not have a metabolism you would be dead - but you are not dead yet and you are not going anywhere anytime soon! Live life to the fullest TODAY." 

"You have exercised enough this week Karen and it is okay to have a couple of days off even if you did have an extra piece of toast.  Cheating is a thing of the past, remember, what you eat in secret you wear in public. We don't need to cheat anymore, honesty is the best policy when it comes to this addiction and you are kicking it's a** my friend.  Gooooo Karen!"

"One day at a time you can do this and please do yourself a favour; imagine yourself wearing your favourite outfit, looking fabulous because you are well, healthy, strong physically, emotionally and spiritually in recovery."

"You are beautiful inside and out.  Remember that.  BELIEVE that."

I choose to listen to PP these days.  I choose not to allow NN to use her scare tactics on me.  I choose to put myself first, my needs first, my recovery first and while in the beginning it was scary and strange to put me first, the more I practice it from a place of good intent, the easier it gets and the better I feel. 

Make sure you shut your Negative Nancy up and have a Positive Patsy in your corner.  If you can't do it for yourself initially, find a friend or fellow Compulsive Overeater in recovery to be the voice of reason for you. 

One day at a time, one meal at a time and together we can recover from this disease.

Have a great day today everyone :) x

Here we go again ...

..............that mindless addictive monologue tried its best to derail me last night.  Another welcome reminder that I really am in a fight for my life with this progressive disease of addiction. 

It was time for another supermarket visit to buy cleaning products, doggy food, drinks, milk and fruit.  I did the right thing.  I wrote my list before I went.  

Then I did what turned out to be a slightly 'dangerous' thing. 

I walked past the new deli section where you can buy all the lovely cold cuts of meat, home made salad type things, cheeses and olives and there in the corner - all bright, shiny and beautifully presented - is the new homemade DESSERT, SLICE and CAKE section. 

Well, let me tell you I scanned those goodies in two seconds flat with my eyes landing on these massive brownies with huge chocolate chips, nuts and  wait for it.. salty caramel sauce all over them.  Now that's just not playing FAIR!!!!  

The desire in me to buy one of those and taste it was rising by the second, even though I knew that I could no more buy something like that and just have a wee taste than fly in the air.  I realised that even looking at that food was like dangling a bottle of vodka in front of a newly sober alcoholic, so I immediately removed myself from temptations view.  

I then contacted a friend that understands exactly what I had just experienced and we laughed about how easy it is to be derailed by even a simple visit to the supermarket.  That connection is vital to my abstinence.  

I said it before and I'll say it again.  The mental obsession only lies dormant, it never goes away.  I get a daily reprieve from that if I am mindful, present and connected to my higher self/higher power/ love/God/whatever you want to call it. 

Got through that little hiccup with insight and inspiration to continue one moment at a time on my road to recovery. 

Stop Fighting With Yourself

I think I might have mentioned in another blog that I am a lover of books that relate to all things self-help and spiritual. I believe for me developing my spirituality is the path to living my best life in a serene and peaceful manner.  

I absolutely believe that my food and my eating are intrinsically linked to my emotional and spiritual well being. When I am 'plugged in,' surrendering each moment, then life is easy, the compulsion leaves, I feel a sense of calm peace within myself and - here's the weird part -  I eat healthy, normal portions without even having to think about it.  

On the other hand, when I am 'unplugged' and living on Karen's steam alone, the addictive side of my personality arcs up; I have compulsive thoughts, compulsive urges to overeat and am constantly fighting with myself over what I can or cannot eat, should or should not think and stress about how much exercise I need to do.  The mental obsession is all consuming.
  

Recently I read Pam Grout's book E-Squared.  If you haven't read it, get it.  Read it. Watch your life change.  I devoured that book in an afternoon; one particular section dealing with the fight that many of us have with food and dieting.  

The quotes below from the book spoke to me, shining some much needed light as to why - even when I was supposedly eating in a controlled way and working out with a Personal Trainer - I was not losing weight, not feeling free from the obsession with food or diets and exercise?

"Your body is simply a living expression of your point of view about the world." Carl Frederick, Author of EST Playing The Game: The New Way

"What you think and say about yourself, your body and your food is the hinge upon which your health turns.  Counting calories and fat grams with religious zealotry may well be the main obstacle between you and your ideal weight" Pam Grout, Author of E-Squared

"The more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there." Augusten Burroughs, American Author

"This may come as a shock to you - especially if you spend most of your waking moments silently harping on about your ugly, cellulite-ridden body - but the normal state of your body is healthy.  It can heal and regulates itself without prompting from you.  But when you keep tabs and count calories with frenetic abandon, you refuse to let your body change."  Pam Grout, Author of E-Squared

These light bulb moments highlighted the fact that the mental obsession that goes along with compulsive overeating is what either kept me stuck in my addiction or caused my relapse. 

Being in constant conflict with myself over what food I ate, having highs and lows over whether a meal was deemed to be good/healthy or bad/unhealthy, meant it did not matter one jot what I put in my mouth.  My body only responded to the negativity of my mental obsession.  

The solution to this?  STOP FIGHTING WITH YOURSELF!! Let ALL that garbage information go that we are bombarded with via media and the diet industry!  GIVE UP; it is in surrendering the obsession that you find the control you so DESPERATELY seek.  

I decided to change one piece of negative thinking about myself every day and practice thinking in a new and positive way.  I wish I could bottle up how good that feels and send it to every person that battles with the mental obsession and physical addiction to Food.  My life changed as I surrendered each moment; my mind becoming free from the relentless obsessive thinking about my weight, my body, my food, my drink, my exercise and I stopped fighting with myself.  

The beautiful result of these small changes is peace reigns in my head and heart today while I continue to learn, as well as benefit from surrendering and living in the present moment. 

What flicks your switch ?

At the flick of a switch compulsive tendencies can be turned on.  Addiction is always waiting, ready to pounce into action in certain situations. 

Below are the triggers/situations/times of day that can lead me to compulsive eating if I am not in a state of mindfulness and fully aware of all that is going on around me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I thought I'd also share with you my change of habit or alternative healthy behaviours which keep me safe and free from compulsive overeating. 

• 6 o'clock in the evening is my time to prepare dinner. When in active addictive eating, preparing dinner went something like this: Pour a wine while cooking; get out dip and chips to go with the wine; while dinner is cooking watch a bit of TV and devour the whole packet of chips and tub of dip; where did the wine in that bottle go???  

Today I don't keep any white wine in the fridge, because if it is not chilled I won't drink it. Today I don't keep any extra food in my house that is not on my plan of eating. Today I make sure that I am never preparing food when I am hungry. 

• TV at night once my daughter was in bed would be my 'relaxation time;' another wine or some dessert, or chocolate, or whatever I felt like eating to relieve my loneliness and boredom. 

Today I only watch TV when my daughter is still awake and as soon as she goes to bed I get on here and blog!!

• Saturdays at the Mall are my free day - I deserve some nice food and drinks today!  I'd head out early in the morning, shop a little, stop for coffee and cake, shop some more, stop for lunch and dessert, shop some more, maybe meet a friend for a drink.. you get the picture.. endless eating/drinking. 

This one was a challenge, but I chose to change my thinking. I let go of the idea that to have fun on my days off had to involve food but would allow myself to have a delicious big mug of skinny cappuccino and drink it very slowly for my treat if I felt the need to do so.  

• Going out to a coffee shop/lunch/dinner was always an exciting event - while it was lovely to see friends, what was even more exciting was where we would go, what was on the menu and were they decent sized portions! Then I'd:
• Check out the desserts on the menu first
• Check out the mains next and nine times out of ten choose the creamiest, fattiest food on the menu
• Check out the entrees and make sure it wasn't a share plate

Today I take my own lunch with me and order a coffee at the venue. When ordering from the menu I order the healthiest option possible with dressing on the side. If anything comes upsized I only eat half and give the rest to whoever in my company wants it. 

• Seeing my favourite foods while walking up and down the aisles of a supermarket is one sure fire way of triggering a binge. Those chocolate bars, or creamy yogurts, or buckets of ice cream would 'call' me.  

Initially I avoided those aisles in the supermarket that had the 'call me' goodies in it.  Now I can walk past those items and seem them as poison to me. I have no desire to buy them. 

• A wine glass waiting to be filled with ice and white wine can trigger that whole 'lifestyle' thing that my addiction told me I deserved. After all it is a completely socially acceptable thing to do - even if the long term prognosis is death by compulsive overeating?? 

The lifestyle feeling can easily be arranged by having a lovely glass of diet tonic water with loads of crushed ice and freshly squeezed lime juice in it.  I enjoy that so much!

• Feeling ill/anxious would always send me to the sweetie shop.  If I ate it calmed me down. My crazy thinking would be.. well I won't faint if I eat something sugary, or I won't vomit if I eat something sweet,.... never was the thought, I will gain weight if I eat this.  It was all about soothing away those horrible things called feelings. 

I have learned how to deal with those feelings of wanting to eat when ill/anxious/overtired.  I actually drink a big glass of water, sit down, do some deep breathing and tell myself 'this too will pass.' 

• Feeling angry was a sure fire way for me to feel justified about stuffing garbage foods into my body.  That resentment really is a #1 killer.  I mean really.. being angry and eating to either 'get back' at the other person or to cope with the feelings is just the type of insane havoc your addiction likes to wreak. 

Again, I have learned not to wreak havoc on myself when I am angry.  If I need to I connect with someone who understands where I am coming from as an angry addict and talk out the issue. Or I sit, meditate and get back to my own centre. 

• Holidays (Christmas-Easter-Australia Day)/Travel - who doesn't enjoy all the niceties and the delicious extras when it's Christmas or Easter or when on holiday? When traveling? I mean it's the right thing to do isn't it? Even when you know that the foods and drinks you will indulge in could lead to you dying form morbid obesity???  Only an addict would ignore that fact and carry on indulging regardless.

I changed my thinking about holidays too.  I focus on the family and people that I celebrate annual holidays with, making sure they have a wonderful time, or, when travelling I focus on all the wonderful different cultural aspects of the place I am visiting.  Yes I taste the local food but I am always mindful of what I am eating/drinking.  

What triggers do you have?  Do you understand how dangerous certain situations are for you?  Do you have ways of dealing with your old habits or changing them to new healthier habits around food that will keep that addiction switched well and truly off?  

I'd love to hear from you about your ways of coping with these types of challenges.  Email me at karen.140@gmail.com

Here's the deal

Here's the deal.  For me to experience recovery from compulsive overeating/food addiction there are a few simple steps to take.  These steps in essence are simple but in practice take a lot of courage.

My introduction to the recovery process from this affliction started many years ago when someone I knew started going to Alcoholics Anonymous.  I wanted to find out what this AA thing was all about and so decided to read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as a matter of research.  While I was reading this book I had one of Oprah's 'Ah ha' moments.

Reading chapter one I related to the emotional state and mental obsession that Bill, the co-founder of AA experienced around alcohol - except I felt those feelings around food.  The next few chapters were all about the solution, more about the disease, about how the recovery from this disease works and how to practice that recovery on a daily basis.

After finishing reading the whole book in a matter of 2-3 days, I for the first time felt a lot of hope. I was SO excited about this solution because all I was thinking in my head was.. "wow this could work with my DIET."

However, back in the day there was - unbeknown to me - no group that dealt with food addiction in this manner.  So, me being the obsessed addict I was, decided to go along to the AA meetings and say I was an alcoholic!!!  When I look back at that time I see how desperate I was to recover from my own addiction, so much so I wished to be seen as a sober alcoholic in order to avail myself of all the wisdom and recovery knowledge that those wonderful people were practicing.  I even went so far as to get myself a sponsor and work through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The result?  The weight dropped off me without me even trying.  I was DELIGHTED!

My sponsor was a beautiful old Irish man called Jimmy who had many, many years of sobriety under his belt and who was an inspiration to me because of his honesty, his amazing recovery story and how much he was available to help others.  A few months after joining this group and working with Jimmy, I realised that I was actually being a bit of an impostor because I knew in the depths of my heart I was not an alcoholic.

One night at a meeting, I put my hand up to share my story.  My opening line was, "hi my name is Karen and I am not an alcoholic, but I am a food addict. "  From the back of the meeting hall there was a cheer and Jimmy was standing there with his hands in the air and a huge smile on his face.  He had known all along I was not an alcoholic, but as he told me afterwards.  "Nobody but you can say you are or are not an alcoholic and I am glad that you came to the truth yourself." Jimmy is no longer with us today, but I feel his spirit with me whenever I tell this story.

Not too long after that experience I found out that there is actually a 12 step group for people with food addiction/compulsive overeating and that I could go to meetings online, which I duly started attending and continued to experience physical recovery i.e. weight loss, as well as emotional and spiritual recovery.

Many years and many relapses later, I found myself at this point in my journey.  Fifty years old and still battling with relapses because of demons yet to be healed.  Talk about Yo Yo dieting.. this takes it to a whole other level!  It was the final straw for me.  I was sick of reading my old journals and seeing the same story different year!

I sat down and made the decision that no matter what it took I was going to get to the bottom of this because I wanted my middle years and beyond to be free of this soul sickness and emotional torture.  I wanted to be happy in my own skin, to love myself, to enjoy my life and to be free from fear.   I found a counsellor who has been phenomenal in guiding me back to my true self and helped me express myself authentically.  That journey started a year ago and today I am living my recovery.  I am free from worrying what others think,  I am happy in my own skin, loving myself back to health, enjoying my life and as free from fear as any other 'normal' human being is.

Today I don't go to any of the 12 step meetings but I do practice the 12 step type of recovery in my life. I am going to share with you the 12 steps of OA and in future posts will elaborate on what each one means to me and how I practice them in my life.

1. I admitted that I was powerless over food and that areas of my life had become completely unmanageable
2. I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity
3. I turned my life and my will over to the care of that power greater than myself

4. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself
5. I admitted to myself and shared with one other person the moral inventory and the exact nature of my own wrongdoing.
6. I was entirely ready to surrender any flaws in my character
7. I humbly asked in my meditation for the flaws to be removed
8. I made a list of anyone I had harmed and was willing to make amends to them all
9. I actually made amends to those I had harmed - except when to do so would injure them or others

10. I continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it
11. I practice meditation daily in order to improve my conscious contact with my higher self/power, asking for knowledge of what is right for me in my life.
12. I share my recovery path with others suffering from food addiction/compulsive overeating.

Now that might seem like a lot to do every day, but really once the first 9 are out the way the daily practice of steps 10, 11 and 12 are the mainstay of my recovery today. It's not hard to do these things when you are willing to go to any lengths to get better and to be free from the "physical allergy, mental obsession and spiritual malady."

One Day At A Time = Living in the Present Moment = Peace of Mind = Freedom = Recovery

Do you know about this eating disorder?

You will no doubt have heard about Bulimia nervosa and Anorexia nervosa extensively in the Media. However, I am guessing that you may not have heard as extensively about Compulsive overeating.

It seems to me that Anorexia and Bulimia are considered to be an illness yet Compulsive overeating is misunderstood and often thought by others to be a weakness of character. 

I am here to clear up a few of those misperceptions about the disease of Compulsive Overeating - the type of eating disorder I have.

Signs and Symptoms of Compulsive Overeating: 

• Feeling of loss of control

The loss of control you feel when in the grip of a compulsive overeating episode is totally terrifying. Your sane/sensible mind and self talk will not make one iota of difference. When the addiction is active, your normal thought processes are completely ignored.  Even begging yourself not to do this does not work. Your level of intelligence, amount of money earned, your standing in the community, the number of houses you own, cars you drive or shoes you buy - does not matter!  There is a feeling of complete and utter spiralling out of control, where the desire to binge/overeat is like an infernal itch that must be scratched with no relief unless you scratch until you bleed (or eat as this case may be).

• Eating much more rapidly

For me, I would describe this as vacuuming the food down.   It did not even touch the sides of my mouth, or the back of my throat.  The food just gets shovelled in until you feel better (numb is the word).  As a kid I was always the first to finish Easter Eggs, Christmas Selection Boxes - basically any sweeties/lollies.  I was not like my siblings who could control how much they ate and keep some of their choccies for the week after Christmas/Easter.  I was compelled to keep eating until it was gone and I would even sneak bits of theirs after my supply was eaten up.  I was not an overweight child, nor an overweight teenager, or young adult, but I had this disease and it is a progressive one.  It also causes body dysmorphia, so over time with more frequent episodes of compulsive eating and horrendous self talk: I'm fat, I'm huge, I'm a failure, I can't control this, I must be flawed... the barrage of negativity was endless and my prophecy about myself was fulfilled. 

• Eating alone

Overeating alone is a sure sign that the disease is active. I used to love it when nobody was home because I was free to eat what I liked without anyone seeing, or judging.  I used to buy addictive foodstuffs and hide some of it, because I realised that I had just bought too much at the store.  Of course in true food addict style, I thought if nobody sees it, then it's not happening.  Denial is a very sad state of mind to be in.  

• Feelings of guilt

The guilt is torturous.  I mean it is right there sneering at you the SECOND the last mouthful of a binge has been swallowed.  Your spirit is totally crushed.  You feel complete self-loathing.  You feel utterly disgusting and a worthless human being because.. "for godsake its just food.. what is WRONG with you. .. surely you can control that.. " "Oh my God what will I weigh in the morning after eating all that.. ok I won't go on the scales, I will just exercise instead.  I HAVE to get rid of these calories... " 

All of that self-talk and more is carried on with a feeling of absolute terror and anxiety in the pit of your stomach.  It really is a hellish state to be in. 

• Preoccupation with body weight

I have had an absolute preoccupation with my body weight since I was a young teenager weighing only 56 kgs. When I put on 1kg I would absolutely panic that I was getting fat.  A compulsive overeater will get on the scales hundreds of times a day to check if anything has changed, or if there is a gain, or once she's been to the bathroom, or after exercise.  If there is not a persistent loss when trying to lose weight, the devastation felt is intense. 

• Depression or mood swings

In the past I used to suffer from extreme anxiety and panic disorder along with this eating disorder.  I did not realise until I was in my twenties that I actually had an eating disorder and when I woke up to the fact I was 'high as a kite' feeling all empowered and thinking I have this thing licked! Then the reality hit that addiction never sleeps, never really leaves, it is only relieved one day at a time and that only happens if you do the right things to maintain your clean eating, seek counselling for the mental obsession and develop a spiritual connection.  Realising the amount of hard work, self awareness/development and healing needed, used to send me into a depressed, poor me, I'll never be able to do this, victim mood swing.  Up and down the moods would go, depending on how my eating, weight loss and sense of self was at the time.  

• Rapid weight gain

My rapid weight gain happened from my late thirties to my mid forties and I have battled to get that under control for the past 10 years. I was at my heaviest when I was living in Qatar.  That was also the time my life was a mess, my marriage was a mess and I was in a very unhappy place. Of course when a food addict is unhappy, they eat.  Not only did I eat, I added alcohol to the mix and partied my pain away for 7 years; 7 years of self destruction.

• Significantly decreased mobility due to weight gain

This has happened to me in the past 2 years because I relapsed slightly again and was exercising like a mad woman to keep the weight gain under control.  As a result I developed osteo arthritis in my knees and right hip.  The pain of arthritis when you are 40 kgs overweight is excruciating.  Every step grinds bones together that don't have a lot of cartilage protecting them anymore and the ensuing muscle contractions around the bones make movement very limited. I had to stop going to the gym.  I started to gain more weight.  And so the cycle continued.  Time to get REAL and deal with this addiction head on.  That's what this blogging is all about. Keeping me honest with myself, keeping me accountable and please God helping others see what they can avoid if they just get real very early on in their addiction. 

• Withdrawal from activities because binge eating

I have actually not done this.  I am guessing because I did have times when I was alone and it fulfilled my secret binge eating urge. 

• History of many different unsuccessful diets

This made me laugh when I read this point because I have done so many diets, so many times and yes I have had success, but I fell off the wagon and gained weight again.  

Here goes with Karen's list of diets tried:

Scarsdale Diet

Cabbage Soup Diet

Grapefruit Diet

Scottish Slimmers

Weight Watchers

Lo Carb

Low Carb High Fat

Atkins

Dukan

Calorie Controlled

Personal Trainer food plan 

I have tried all of these many different times throughout my life.  A very wise friend once said to me, "Any diet will work if you do it properly." That is so true.  The problem with a food addict is they try to do those diets THEIR way.  They manipulate and amend those diets so they can add in a bit here, put in that thing they like there - all the time not surrendering the control of their eating to anyone or any diet.  To do so would make an active food addict feel anxious and out of control. 

Today I am abstinent and eating clean, healthy food.  I am losing weight and have surrendered the WHOLE process to my higher self/power/God/Universe - whatever you want to call it. I can never ever take this state of abstinence for granted.  I have relapsed far too many times in my life and I do not have another relapse in me.  I do believe if I go down the path of gaining weight again that it will kill me. I keep myself honest, have a great support network and when I do get the 'this is too hard' or 'I am hungry' feelings, I connect with someone who understands and ask myself questions about what I am feeling.  One day at a time I am recovering. 
I am very grateful for that. 


I wrote the poem below back in 2008 which sums up the mental torture of being relapsed and in a compulsive state around food. 

My Disease

Exhausted Drained
Emotions Wrought
Feelings Avoided
Intensely Fought

Food The Enemy
Food The Friend
Food The Grim Reaper
Food The End

Tear Drenched
Consumed Thoughts
Control Lacking
Sanity Lost

Food The Enemy
Food The Friend
Food The Grim Reaper
Food The End

Sick Thinking
Fear of Feeling
Self Will Rioting
Isolation Seeking

Food The Enemy
Food The Friend
Food The Grim Reaper
Food The End

Compulsive Consuming
Mindless Mastication
Soul Sacrifice
Momentary Gratification

Food The Enemy
Food The Friend
Food The Grim Reaper
Food The End

My Disease.

My hope is that this post helps anyone out there who is still wondering whether they have this type of eating disorder. I hope it helps clarify that Compulsive overeating is an illness - not a weakness of character.  

However, there is hope of recovery from this condition - I know from personal experience that it works and will continue to work on a daily basis, if I do the leg work.  


Email me at karen.140@gmail.com if you have any questions regarding Compulsive Overeating. I am only too happy to share and help where I can. 

This could be next if I don't act today.