My Yoga teacher told me the other day that in Yoga practice there is no head - the body is one. The head is integrated with the whole body and not out there leading the way.
I am aware that my thoughts are a random and completely natural consequence of the biology of my brain activity. However, sometimes I find myself still identifying with these random thoughts which cause me to stumble down a rockier road to recovery than I need to be on.
Learning to 'watch my thinking' was (and still can be) quite a task for me, as over the years all I ever did was listen to the fear that my mind spewed into my consciousness. That cacophony of terror kept me trapped in my disease for so long and sadly, I lived a life where I felt under constant threat, never feeling safe or secure. In fact it was not living, it was existing on high alert and the only time I ever felt even slight relief was when I ate compulsively.
I now know with certainty that the influence of our thinking on how we live our lives is without doubt the single most powerful predictor of whether we live a happy, joyous and free existence or one of oppression, misery and fear.
Part of the journey to recovery is facing those challenging moments when your head gets in the way. Those negative thoughts (the ego) do get louder and try harder to derail surrender and peace of mind. The ego's voice becomes more insistent when you live in the present moment; terrified of losing control and dying it's own death. But remember that the ego's death means freedom for you. It means your true essence is in control, not the mindless fear filled chatter that goes on in your brain.
Today, I choose not to listen to the negative, fear inducing thoughts that my brain has a propensity to return to. Even if it means me making the choice to be happy 100 different times throughout the day, I keep bringing myself back to the truth of the quiet voice deep within me - the voice of reason and recovery.
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