The Fear Factor

Hey everyone, it's been a while! Not for any other reason than I was on holiday, and since my return over a week ago from the beautiful paradise island of Bali, life has been a bit hectic to say the least.  

I have so many wonderful things I want to share with you; insights and confirmation of all that I am experiencing on my recovery journey.  A knowing that I am exactly where I am meant to be. 

There have been no major emotional dramas, life is good and I have just been enjoying the latest time of respite. A time where all that was required of me was rest, relaxation and reading. Being totally in the moment of 'not having to do anything' - which in my every day life is not always easy to achieve.

In this reflection space I was able to see a few areas of personal growth. I was able to watch myself in situations that in the past would have sent me into a state of panic, high anxiety and fear - and the inevitable binge eating in order to to deal with those uncomfortable feelings. 

On the flights to and from Bali we experienced 'unexpected weather conditions,' which meant seat belts all the way and two very bumpy plane rides. 

I immediately experienced the familiar disgusting feelings that come when flailing in the 'F' word; heart racing, dry mouth, stomach in knots, hands sweating, mind tumbling over itself with fear thoughts, gripping onto myself so as not to lose it and make a fool of myself. 

However, this time something very different happened while I was experiencing all that nastiness.  

Underneath the physical and mental drama going on in my mind and body, there was an unfamiliar stillness. A calm quiet voice saying: "Look at the fear Karen, look at it and don't be afraid of it.  Fear is just a feeling. Feel it, watch it, experience it and realise it's actually doing you no harm right now." 

This took me completely by surprise. The fact that I was able to listen to reason in that situation was incredible! Obviously the mindful breathing and spiritual practice that I love to do so much was actually paying off. It was working for my highest good.  What in the past would have resulted in a catastrophic panic attack, followed by a compulsive eating binge, was now managed at a deeper level than that of my busy brain. 

I know it sounds crazy to say I felt centred and calm while experiencing the habitual flight or fight response, but I did - and the more I listened to the voice of recovery, the less intense the fear became.   

This awareness is like a light switching on in a dark room and taking away the imagined 'bogeyman.' 

I am very grateful for this personal growth in an area that has been a huge battle of mine since I was a child.  Fear was the bogeyman I was terrified of for many years. Compulsive overeating was my coping mechanism in dealing with the feelings of fear.  

Don't be stuck in that quagmire of eating over your fearful emotions. Surrender each moment/feeling to your higher power and allow yourself to look that bogeyman directly in the eye. As with any bully, he backs down into nothingness when faced with the strength of your higher self. 

FEAR = Face Everything and Recover!