I don't attend any 12 step recovery programme meetings, not because I think they are not a great support and means of recovering from addiction, but because I think that what is one person's path is not necessarily another person's path - and I do not limit my higher power's help to just 12 step meetings.
That being said, I do believe that I have to connect with others who understand addiction and share my story. I do believe that my recovery from food addiction is based on the tenets of the 12 step philosophy and if there was a meeting that was available to me at a time to suit me I would not be averse to attending now and then - part of recovery is sharing your journey and what has worked for you. (Hence this blog!!)
I am going to share with you the 12 steps and the 12 promises in recovery that I personally have experienced over the years.
Step 1. We admitted we were powerless - that our lives had become unmanageable.
I had to admit to powerlessness around food because no amount of dieting, food plans, willpower ever stopped me from using food to numb the emotional turmoil I was feeling. How unmanageable was my life?? I was committing slow suicide at more than 50 kgs overweight with the certainty of getting bigger!!
Promise 1. We are going to know a new freedom and new happiness.
All I can say is admitting and finally truly accepting the fact of my addictive personality was the most freeing moment in my life. I honestly felt a deep seated happiness and freedom at accepting myself just the way I am - addiction and all!!
Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Initially I had an issue with the power greater than myself and the insanity part of this step. I reasoned that while I struggled with my weight and eating, I was not actually insane. But over the years of active disease that progressed and my behaviour actually became insane. I found myself behaving in ways that were dangerous to me physically, mentally and spiritually. Even recognising that didn't stop my addictive ways. That really was insane!! As for the power greater than myself, I had so many issues around God and Jesus etc because of the Catholic upbringing I had. I did not truly believe God was all loving and kind. Over the years I realised my faith and concept of God is mine and mine alone. My belief system has to work for me, not against me. Today I do believe in a power greater than myself who might not work in the same way as yours and that is okay.
Promise 2. We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.
I can honestly say I am truly grateful for every minute of my past, my pain, my insanity and my addiction. I feel no guilt or shame because I realise everything that happened was part of my journey. It has all brought me to this point of understanding and instilled in me a deep desire to help others.
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our lives and our will over to the care of God as we understand Him/Her/It.
There is one word that you need to pay attention to in this step and that is the word 'decision.' It was all that was required of me to take step 3. I only had to make a decision. By this stage I was ready to do as I was guided so deciding to let go control of my food and addictive behaviours was easy. I surrendered!
Promise 3. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
How true that promise is. Now I am not saying that every single second of my life is serene and peaceful ..... yet. I am a work in progress!
Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Sounds scary, but it really isn't. I have done this step a few times now and the first time was by far the biggest. You just make a list of all people, places and things that you feel resentful towards, then write what they/it did to you, what it affected in you and finally write what was a better way to handle the situation. There is a template that can be followed when doing this step which I found extremely helpful in making me focus on what it actually affected in me, e.g. self esteem, insecurity, etc.
Promise 4. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
Absolute truth. Every single thing I have gone through, every negative behaviour I have displayed, bad attitude I have had and superior judgement I have made has enabled me to share my insights, with better, kinder and healthier ways of treating others and myself.
Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Are you shaking in your shoes and running for the deep dark forest to hide yet?? Tell another person all the bad **ish about me???? NO WAY! Yes way.. and see once you do that, the word freedom does not cut it.. absolute joy, absolute love, absolute power and absolute peace of mind. Now, a little disclaimer here: Don't share all your stuff with just anybody, it must be someone who understands addiction, understands you, cares about your soul, cares about you enough to want you to learn to love yourself - warts and all. There are 3 people in my life that I have done this step with. The love and acceptance I felt was life changing. In my head I thought, well if they can love me after hearing all that, I need to start loving myself!
Promise 5. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
Oh Yeah Baby!!!!!
Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
All you have to do for this step is be ready to change. Be ready to allow the miracle to happen. Be ready to surrender old ways of acting/reacting. Be ready to know a new way of living without food addiction running the show.
Promise 6. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
How beautifully true this is. Once I processed all that was going on with me, how addiction works, how recovery works, my deepest desire was to stop another person from ever having to go through all I went through. I want other food addicts to feel as good as I do right now in recovery.
Step 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
This step is basically asking your higher power to help you behave in ways that are beneficial to your recovery, joy and happiness in life. Of course there will always be times when we slip into old ways and habits, but having awareness is key to maintaining recovery from addiction while remaining open to being a better version of yourself every day.
Promise 7. Self seeking will slip away.
My focus changed and continues to change from being on poor me, to how can I help another in the same situation as me.
Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
The first time I did this it was a challenge because I still didn't get what forgiveness was all about and so felt justified in my resentments. Of course all I was being asked to do was make a list. So I made the list. Some of those amends did not get made until years later. By the way amends can be made in many ways: not just the actual saying sorry, but you can change your attitude, change your behaviour, change your thinking and change the way you treat a person.
Promise 8. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
If you are willing to do whatever it takes to get better from the hell of living with active addiction, believe me this promise is the truth.
Step 9. Made direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
This is a really important step. Even if it takes you years to make direct amends, being willing to do so and then able to is such a beautiful thing. The disclaimer here 'except when to do so would injure them or others' is also of paramount importance. e.g. if telling a person about a negative behaviour they don't know you participated in would cause them more hurt - the best way to make amends is to show you are sorry by the example of living your best life for the highest good of yourself and those around you, not shocking them with some major confession that could potentially cause them great pain.
Promise 9. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
Once you've made amends directly, your fear of rejection, of 'being found out', or of negative judgement from others disappears, because you have honoured your own soul by shining the light of honesty and openness onto the darkness of your long held unforgiveness and resentments. There is nothing anyone can say, do, think or judge you for that has any power over you anymore. You just set yourself free.
Steps 10, 11 and 12 are the daily maintenance steps of recovery and the promises that go along with each of these steps are exactly what I am experiencing in my life right now.
Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. (I check my attitude all the time now and know exactly when I am slipping into poor me mode.)
Promise 10. We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us. (Bali plane rides is all I can say about this promise folks - read my previous blog post!!)
Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him/Her/It, praying only for knowledge of our higher power's will for us and the power to carry that out. (My daily meditation practice)
Promise 11. We will suddenly realise that our Higher Power is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. (What can I say, I have never been able to stick to anything for any length of time when it comes to food plans etc.. 7 months in and counting ..)
Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (My blog, my future work)
Promise 12. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us.. sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialise if we work for them. (Recovery works if you work it)
That's all folks!!!
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