When on the road to recovery from active addiction, we are oftentimes challenged by the myriad of relationships we encounter in our lives and can sometimes feel at a loss as to how to deal with them, without turning to food! Today I want to share on how best to deal with the passive aggressive personality disorder, how to recognise it and how to keep your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual recovery in tact.
The psychology of personality and behavioural disorders has always fascinated me: Narcissistic Personality Disorder and its cyclical patterns that are extremely difficult to handle if on the receiving end within an NPD relationship; Anxiety Neurosis (a behavioural disorder) that can be overcome with cognitive behavioural therapy, counselling and spiritual healing - which I myself can attest to, having suffered in the past; and Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder which will only get better when the person recognises their own anger/resentment/jealousy and psychological pain, then work towards healing their inner angst.
The latter of these has really sparked my interest over the past few months in particular because I have found myself subjected to this type of behaviour. While it is disconcerting, I am very grateful that I've been given the opportunity to deal with these situations as it has given me hands on real life practice for when I begin to offer holistic counselling to others on conclusion of my studies.
The types of behaviours exhibited by passive aggressive people can vary but in general they tend to be very subtle, underhand and can leave you with a feeling of confusion e.g. you might realise, after the fact, that veiled criticisms or digs have happened within a seemingly innocent conversation and you're left thinking - "what was that all about ??"
Passive aggressiveness is associated with a particular psychological personality disorder stemming from years of perceived under-appreciation and bitterness, a character flaw brought on by a person's inability to deal with their own bitterness, anger, or resentment in an assertive manner, thus, displaying a more passive form of hostility.
There are many ways in which PA can present, e.g. deliberate procrastination, intentional mistakes, resentment of the demands of others, complaints of injustice and lack of appreciation, hostile attitudes and disguising criticism with compliments.
The excerpt below from an article in Psychology Today outlines the havoc created and destructive nature of passive aggressive behaviours:
"In the short term, passive aggressive behaviours can be more convenient than confrontation and generally require less skill than assertiveness. They allow a person to exact revenge from behind the safety of plausible excuses and to sit on the sofa all weekend long rather than complete a list of undesirable chores. So, what’s not to love? Truth be told, while momentarily satisfying or briefly convenient, in the long run, passive aggressive behaviour is even more destructive to interpersonal relationships than aggression. Over time, virtually all relationships with a person who is passive aggressive become confusing, destructive and dysfunctional."
Having the tools to handle negative situations within relationships when they occur is of paramount importance to a compulsive overeater - we tend to blindly eat over negative emotions and before we know it we are on the slippery slope to relapse.
Maintaining our spiritual connection with our Higher Power and surrendering the need to fix or control the circumstance, will ensure that we don't fall into emotional binge eating or stuffing our faces due to the discomfort of resentment.
Always be mindful that there are smiling assassins in this world, trust your gut instinct if you find yourself in situations where you feel something is not quite right. Being consciously aware will allow you to see the person's fractured mental health state and therefore help you to avoid being offended or falling into resentment yourself.
Personal boundaries are essential in dealing with people with personality disorders, so avoid the toxic behaviours, remove yourself from situations whereby you could be a target for aggression and always maintain your dignity.
Our recovery has to be number one over every scenario that life throws at us. Dealing with people with personality disorders is commonplace and all we can do to maintain serenity and balance in our own lives is keep our side of the street clean, love ourselves first and not allow destructive psychological behaviour to interfere with our recovery path.
