It has been a while since I have written anything on this beautiful blog of mine. I have been having some time out from writing as a matter of reflection; making sure my intent in writing and sharing was not being driven by my ego and that the words I share are coming from an authentic space within me.
There is nothing in my recovery journey that has anything to do with me being more able, more aware, more grounded than anyone else who suffers from an addiction. The only difference between me and a person still suffering active addiction, is that today I surrendered. I gave up trying to control the food addict monster my way.
I have not relapsed, but I wouldn't say that every single day since I last wrote has been 'clean' eating. Clean eating to me has a number of meanings e.g. the actual food I put in my mouth, the state of my mind prior to eating, the physical way in which I eat i.e. scarfing food down so fast it doesn't touch the sides of my mouth! Or if I am eating due to stress, anxiety, moodiness etc.
Life is a constant flow of ups and downs and so maintaining spiritual balance, emotional balance and keeping my thinking straight, while surrendering my food choices, is the every day work of my recovery programme that needs to be carried out in order to prevent slipping into full blown relapse. As the saying goes, nobody said it would be easy, but recovery sure is worth it
There have been a lot of positive things happening for me recently and there is going to be a lot more positive changes happening in the near future. I have taken up study, I am preparing my disabled daughter for moving into her own home and I am now practicing Yoga. These are all gifts that recovery from addiction promises.
Recovery allows me to focus on living, addiction - at its best - distracts me from living life to the full and at its worst destroys my chances of living at all. Make your choice to live life to the fullest today.
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