A classic active addiction behaviour and one of the most damaging, soul destroying deeds you can expose yourself to is Projection.
"Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others. e.g. a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude."
When you add that nasty affliction to the mix of dysfunction and denial that goes on in active addiction, the result is an extremely unhappy, neurotic person blaming everyone else for their problems, their perception and their behaviour.
I have to admit that in the past I had dallied down the path of projection, especially when things were very messy in my marriage many years ago. I was expert at pointing the finger of blame because I was unhappy with me. At the time I had no idea just how much I was in denial of my sad emotional state. Many of the things I feared and hated in 'him', were actually a reflection of things I feared and hated in myself. In stating that, I am not for a second taking all the blame for the bad stuff, after all it takes two to tango - but I am saying that after years of self reflection and looking myself straight in the eye, it was get time to get honest or die. Own my own stuff or suffer.
Getting real with yourself takes a lot of work, a lot of support and a mountain of courage. Having to let go of the less than true stories that I'd created in my head about what this or that person was doing to get to me, or what he/she was saying behind my back, talking nastily about me, or having to own up to the times I was embracing being a victim because it was easier than standing up and being a warrior, was not easy.
Waking up to the realisation that my happiness was my responsibility and that I actually did have the power to choose how I looked at the world and everyone in it, has been one of the most life giving gifts I have given myself. No, I do not always succeed, but I now have a point of reference with which to gauge my thought processes in any situation. I now have the skills to bring myself back to the truth.
Searching through the darkness to find the light is a murky, yet magnificent road - a journey I'd personally recommend for your recovery, peace of mind and serenity of spirit. While it's tough, it really is worth it.
