I was given some really good advice yesterday. Advice I was grateful to be reminded of. Part of my recovery journey into wholeness has been to feel comfortable about setting boundaries around myself without being concerned about another person's reaction to the boundaries I set.
As a child, teenager, young married Mum, and now middle years Goddess... oops I mean woman..... I used to have an issue with using the word No. No is the shortest complete sentence in the English language, but this small word has the power to create the biggest negative reaction in those receiving it as an answer to a question, and used to cause absolute emotional chaos in me when I had to deliver it. So much so that I would say Yes when I meant No.
I used to interpret the other person's negative reaction to mean that I was a bad/unkind/non-caring person, however over the years and after a lot of self awareness and development work I am finally free of that lie. How and what another person thinks of me is none of my business, therefore it no longer concerns me.
When you live your life in authenticity and have a healthy respect for your own physical, mental and emotional well-being and a deep love for yourself that ensures you are mindful of your highest good in every situation, saying No becomes very easy.
The advice I was given was this:
"Be ok with having good boundaries and values and expressing yourself authentically. Sometimes this may be in a firm manner or using anger if the person is continuing to invade your boundaries and disrespecting you. Then, let go and trust that you have spoken from your truth without malice. See the person with compassion for where they are on their journey."
It is a beautiful thing when you can put yourself first and know that it is not coming from a selfish and self centred point of view, but from that place of love that says "you matter, your life matters, your health matters, your emotions matter, your spirit matters, your happiness matters and being authentic to you is essential for all of this well-being. Only you can give yourself that gift - nobody else can."
Learning to truly care and love for myself has been a wonderful, eye opening, difficult, uncomfortable, anxious and exhilarating recovery experience all rolled into one. I wouldn't want it any other way - if it had been easy it would have taught me nothing.
Recovery all the way no matter what.
